You’re a good man. A dear man. A man I know will someday find someone to love you. But we thought we made it crystal clear in 2016: you’re not the man for us. What part of losing 29 straight GOP primary contests don’t you get?
Oh, then of course you won Ohio. They love you in Ohio. See I told you somewhere there was a place for you.
I hear next week you are going to audition for our love again — on CNN of course. Debating Bernie Sanders isn’t going to change things, John.
I saw you on Bill Maher’s show, coyly shying away from stating plainly whether or not you will run for president in 2020:
MAHER: “There could be a foreign-affairs disaster. He doesn’t know anything about that. Russia could explode in his face. People could be dying from his health care. I could see a challenge in the Republican Party for 2020. Would you be up for that?”
KASICH: “I’m going to finish my term in 18 months as the governor of our state, pull the state together and get it to do better and better and better. That’s what I’m all about—giving everybody a shot. And then I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Giving everyone a shot — except Ted Cruz. That’s what you mean John, don’t you?
I know Donald Trump is tearing us apart. But let’s face it John, you are the guy who split the anti-Trump Republican vote, staying in to woo our love despite losing over and over again. A Democrat would file an electoral harassment suit. The Trump voters don’t like you for it. The Never-Trump voters don’t like you for it either.
We want to let you down gently, but you keep coming back for more.
Let us put it this way, John. There’s a lot of debate about what the voters were saying in 2016 with Trump’s earth-shattering victory.
But nobody — and I mean nobody — dear, dear John, is saying we meant this: America is just waiting for a soft-spoken Midwestern Republican moderate conservative governor to save us.
Yours truly and Godspeed,
GOP Primary Voters
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore