If you haven’t seen “Inside Out” yet, be sure to do it this weekend. It’s a fantastic movie.
“Inside Out” is about the emotional composition of a young girl’s brain and how her emotions affect her life. The five main characters are five key emotions: Joy, Anger, Fear, Sadness, and Disgust.
So, what if the “Inside Out” characters were presidential candidates? That seems plausible, right?
Four of these quotes are made up. One is a collection of real statements. Can you guess which one is real?
JOY/Rubio: “This is so fun! I love running for President. I’m so excited for the future. Yes we can!… go forth into the next American century! We have so many great things in store. I can’t wait. Wait, me, worry? Why would I do that? About Jeb? Jeb is my friend! We go way back. Let’s do this! God bless America!”
ANGER/Trump: “Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest and you all know it! I laugh when I see Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush pretending to ‘love’ each other, with each talking of their great friendship. Typical phony politicians. It’s freezing and snowing in New York–we need global warming! Why is Obama playing basketball today? This is why our country is in trouble!”
FEAR/Walker: “Oh no. They’re figuring me out. Ahhh! Guys, I’m a conservative, I totally am! See, look, I support immigration reform! Wait, what? Just kidding. I really don’t like immigrants! And look, I ran an ad showing that I will respect a woman’s right to choose… so get off my back! Oh, no, pro-lifers, don’t hate me! I’m totally pro-life. Hey! I’m sorry! Okay, here, I’ll support the 20 week bill. There. See? Happy? Oh no… my lead is slipping… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
SADNESS/Sanders: “The corporations. They control everything. The one percent rigged it all. Global warming has already won. We’re doomed. Why bother? I can’t even win this race because Hillary Clinton is in complete control. She has all the money. I just… I’m just so sad. All the time. Can somebody give me a hug? Please?”
DISGUST/Clinton: “I can’t believe this. It’s MY TURN! I’ve waited my whole life for this. It was mine in 2008, and then Barack Obama came along and RUINED it. But this is my moment. I can’t believe I have to CAMPAIGN and meet with people. UGH! More dinky restaurants and annoying hayseeds from Iowa. Don’t you know who I AM? I can’t stand this. And then you have schlubs like Bernie Sanders and Martin O’Malley trying to take this away from me? PLEASE. You are all beneath me. Get out of my way. I’m winning the primary, and then it’s HILLARY TIME.”
The real quote was from Donald Trump… because of course it was.
Jon Schweppe is Deputy Director of Communications for American Principles in Action. Credit for photos: Joshua Pinho.